Red Flags and Green Flags in Menopause Care. How to Advocate for Yourself in Midlife

We’re taught to look out for red flags in our relationships. The subtle unease. The feeling of not being listened to. The sense that something isn’t quite right.  But we don’t always apply that same awareness to our healthcare.

 In midlife, especially during perimenopause and menopause, recognising red and green flags in medical care can make the difference between feeling dismissed and uncertain or feeling truly supported.

Red Flags and Green Flags Aren’t Just for Relationships

Recently, I switched gynaecologists. Not because my health journey suddenly took a dramatic turn, but because I realised I wasn’t being listened to in the way I needed at this stage of my life.

Over the years, I’ve walked out of too many appointments feeling deflated, confused, brushed aside or just not validated. And like many women, I turned that frustration inward first. Was I expecting too much? Was I overreacting? Do I just deal with it and try again in a year?

Those quiet doubts are often the first red flags we ignore.

Outgrowing a Healthcare Provider Is Allowed

Just like friendships or romantic relationships, it’s okay to outgrow a healthcare provider and seek someone who fits the phase of life you’re in now. That doesn’t mean the provider was “bad”. It means your needs have evolved. I also recognise the privilege in being able to make that choice. Living in Switzerland, I have access to options that many women don’t. This can be due to a number of reasons including cost, insurance systems, geography, language or cultural barriers. That inequity matters, and it’s part of why these conversations need to happen more openly.

Midlife Health Is Rarely Just About Hormones

Midlife is often presented as a hormonal story alone. In reality, it’s rarely that simple.

Living with Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune thyroid condition, has shown me how layered this phase can be. Alongside hormonal shifts, there can be inflammation, insulin resistance, fatigue, chronic stress and overlapping symptoms that don’t neatly fit into one category.

Autoimmune conditions disproportionately affect women, and for many, menopause can amplify existing symptoms or blur the lines between what’s hormonal and what isn’t. This makes it even more important to work with a provider who looks at the whole picture. Not just the box marked “menopause”.

Why Body Literacy Changes Everything

Over time, I’ve learned the value of body literacy. The ability to notice, name and trust what your body and mind are communicating to you. Body literacy doesn’t mean self-diagnosing or having all the answers. It means being curious rather than dismissive about your experience.

It helps you:

• Describe symptoms more clearly

• Notice patterns and changes over time

• Ask better questions

• Advocate without apology

It also allows your healthcare provider to support you.

Red Flags and Green Flags in Menopause Care

🚩 Red Flags

• You leave an appointment thinking, “Was that really it?”

• Your symptoms are reduced to “just stress” or anxiety.

• No bloodwork is discussed. No follow-up is suggested.

• You feel embarrassed, confused or annoyed with yourself for not speaking up.

✅ Green Flags

• Your provider invites your full story; symptoms, history, work and home context.

• Your provider who looks beyond prescriptions and asks about your life. How you’re sleeping, eating, moving, managing stress and carrying the mental load. Lifestyle changes aren’t framed as “do more, try harder”, but as supportive adjustments that work with your body, not against it.

• Relevant bloodwork is discussed and explained before decisions are made.

• There is a clear next step or follow-up plan.

• You leave feeling heard and taken seriously.

The Bigger Picture: Why Being Heard Matters

Research consistently shows that menopause symptoms are under-recognised and under-documented.

• In one UK study, only around 23% of women had menopause symptoms formally recorded in their medical records.

• Women from ethnic minority backgrounds in the UK are around five times less likely to be prescribed HRT compared to white women.

• A UK government report found that 27% of menopausal women felt their career progression had been negatively affected during this transition.

When symptoms are minimised or missed, the impact isn’t just physical. It ripples into sleep, mood, confidence, relationships and work.

What If You Can’t Easily Switch Doctors?

Not everyone can change providers and that reality deserves respect and attention.

If cost, access, language or cultural barriers limit your options, there are still ways to get more from the care you do have.

Come prepared.

Write down your symptoms, dates, triggers and questions beforehand. Scribbles on random bits of paper or in your phone notes all count. (And yes, doctors secretly love this.)

Ask directly.

If something feels important, ask for it:“Can we check my iron, vitamin D or full thyroid panel?” Living with Hashimoto’s means I ask this every time.

Bring support.

A friend, partner or advocate can help remind you of questions if your mind goes blank - which happens more often than you think.

Take notes.

Write things down or record key points so you don’t leave forgetting what was said.

Use community support.

Peer-support groups, women’s health charities and community clinics can be invaluable when traditional routes feel limited.

You don’t need all the answers but bringing your story and your data gives your provider the best chance to support you well.

Why This Matters

Feeling safe and supported by your healthcare provider affects everything from sleep, mood, energy, work to our quality of life. We can’t expect doctors to magically figure out what’s going on for us. Taking ownership of our health doesn’t mean doing it alone. It means showing up informed, curious and willing to advocate for ourselves.

My Hope

That no woman walks out of an appointment feeling small or unseen. That we shift from “I must just tolerate this” to “I deserve to be heard.” And if you find yourself in a room where you truly are listened to?That’s not just good medicine. It’s the beginning of a new kind of trust, in your body and in your care.

If this resonates and you’d like support in learning how to show up for your health with more clarity and confidence, I’d love to connect.